Author Archive

Protected: Scale of Consciousness/Authenticity Scale, Gene Keys

Friday, March 27th, 2020

Monday, April 8th, 2019

April 8, 2019
(Wrote over 3 sittings: March 1, April 6, April 8, 2019)

Yes, you read me correctly.
A thinking problem.
I boldly claim that you do.
We all do.
Thinking problems are at the foundation of ALL challenges we face on earth today.

I sit down to this writing after reading Chapter 5 of The Big Book. (Click title to Wikipedia link)
My borrowed copy is of the 16th printing from 2005.
I am compelled to write by hand into a blank notebook.
I rarely write by hand … as in … with a pen.
I recognize that on the rare occasions when I do, it is due to a high level truth of great intimate importance.

I could go into a discussion of the various pathways that our collective thinking problem can play out diversely in each of our lives.
I will not.
Just look around you and notice the state of our world.
The history books add their own flavor to our state of affairs.

I wholeheartedly believe that now, more than ever, is a time to choose to be solutions-oriented.
Ultimately, within yourself, you will decide if this pragmatic offering resonates with you.
I see it as a potential shortcut.
To discover who you truly are.
Outside of the entrancement and indoctrination you have experienced thus far in your life.
As we all have.
I offer: 5 Steps to Transcend Your Thinking Problem

Step 1.
Develop curiosity about what is possible for any and all human beings when in their optimal state.

Step 2.
Envision an optimal future.
How would you spend your time?
Who would you prefer to spend time with?
(I recommend using nonspecific descriptive words to describe roles rather than specific names.
To honor the sovereignty/free will of others amplifies collective harmony.)
Do not believe everything you think right now.
I strongly encourage you to be open to the fact that everything you believe holds you back from your optimal state.
Question everything you have ever believed to be true.
To the best of your ability.
Start with a clean slate and allow experience to teach you.

Step 3.
Carefully consider the concept of the Universal Mind.
The Knowing Field.
I choose these terms. Intuitively feel into their meaning.
Each individual may prefer another self-chosen word to represent this physics (of consciousness) concept.
Physics of Consciousness: A field ripe and ready for a formal birthing process within world-class Education Institutions.
We all would benefit from a solutions-oriented re-establishment of the World Order.
I intend this in the biggest way.
Fundamentally, our world functions with an unsustainable system of systems.
I dream of a day when optimal collaborative groups of individuals gather to focus on developing a new system that will transcend any and all problems faced in the world today.
These meetings might benefit from every participant to declare to the group:
Hi. My name is _________ AND
I choose to focus on ultimate solutions within our current unsustainable system of systems.
My tongue in cheek reference to the practice within Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): My name is ________ and I am a alcoholic.
The AA fellowship inspires me.
A large, inclusive fellowship of human beings would be amazing.
My suggested proclamation can only be used for as long as it is relevant.
Presumably, when optimal focus on solutions is applied in a wide, non-hierarchical, multidisciplinary way, there will come a day when it will no longer be an authentic statement.
Each individual need be mindful of adapting this statement to reflect the highest relative truth for them in the moment.

It is time to focus attention on the Level of Consciousness of our leaders: political, business and otherwise. Personal development is required to hold the consciousness capable of making decisions for the greatest good for all. I will not elaborate but give this some consideration.

Step 4.
Be aware of the powerful impact of the subconscious mind:
Energy trapped within your cells unrelated to verbal abilities.
Each human being begins life as a sensitive soul.
The environment we are born into could be viewed as traumatic in many and subtle ways.
In our pre-verbal years, we are vulnerable to the disharmony that could be called normal despite it being sub-optimal.
A basic need is to be loved and nurtured.
Accepted for who we are.
Even the most loving homes, I propose, have been incapable of avoiding trauma exposure in our modern day world.
A harsh word.
Distracted parents.
This is enough to have an impact.
Disharmony breeds disharmony.
I will not elaborate.

How to harmonize the subconscious disharmony we have been entranced to?
A worthwhile question.
I often wonder if, in our attempts to conceptualize this, we stray further from our natural state of harmony.
Like a dog perpetually chasing his tail, our minds forever gnaw on the desire to clear subconscious trauma without making any headway.
I do not have the answer however I believe there is power in holding the question in a high level of importance.
Intending for access to our natural harmonious state.
My current sense is that the solutions will not satisfy the linear, analytic thinking style so alive in our world today.

Signposts to access solutions to this issue … of needing to approach subconscious opposition to our true nature:
1. Soundhealing – Quartz Crystal singing bowls.
2. QHHT – Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique
3. Family Constellation Therapy.

I appreciate this short list of modalities in my personal experience may seem randomly inserted.
From one perspective, they are.
It is my hope that by listing them without explanation can serve to demonstrate how solutions are under no obligation to fit neatly into linear, logical styles of communication.
Left-brained thinking.
I believe optimal solutions come via whole-brain thinking.

It feels very clear to me that we do not know so much about our true nature functioning.
We work within a limited and substandard framework.
Our systems do not allow for us to dismantle the framework that would result, phenomenologically, in a framework to match our true nature and capabilities to rise up.

Our natural capabilities to communicate with our environment and each other, without technology, awaits our collective discovery.
A subset of people are presently aware.
It is anyone’s guess what percentage of us is required to create the new sustainable system of systems for the betterment of all.

Step 5.
Do what comes naturally.
Take inspired action.

Inspired action defined as feeling excitement (many people link this excitement to fear, not optimal).
The analytical mind reacts automatically for many of us.
To dissuade us from following our own inspiration.
Others may very naturally talk us out of our inspiration.
A knee-jerk reaction.
Some habits are a challenge to change.
I encourage a more live and let live attitude as we all experiment within our own evolution.
Whether we fly or fail is less relevant than the experience and story that results from exploring inspiration.
Increasing flexibility within our perspectives – multiple always accessible -will lead to a much more evolving human story.
Our current collective irritability and discontent is calling on us to write new storylines.
First individually.
Then, we will be well-served to coalesce into dynamic groups.

Step 5 works best when you have taken an earnest & sincere inventory of yourself, including your history.
There are infinite approaches one can choose from.
The seed that inspired this article was reading the Blue Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with the 12 Steps.
An interesting concept to ponder: every human being consider diving into the transformational potential of AA’S Steps 4 & 5. Whether or not addiction has played a role in life.
Step 5: Admitting to a higher power, ourselves and another human the exact nature of our wrongs.
Requires first, Step 4: Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Food for thought.

We All Shall Be Reunited (my addition – with ourselves, our natural selves) by Patty Griffin from her album Downtown Church.
(Click title to view).

Sovereign Dreams

Saturday, December 22nd, 2018

December 21, 2018

The path of making dreams come true rests on the ability to transform … transmute the fear of uncertainty
… into the excitement of possibility.

Are you a “Doubting Thomas”? (Click to read a short article I wrote on my Disabled Angel website years ago).
You may be wise to look into that.
In order to enact dreams.
Today I add a fun little video from travel blogger Lost Leblanc, How To Travel Alberta.
It extends on the artistic Alberta theme woven into the Doubting Thomas article. Pictures of Alberta Landscapes and You Tube videos from Travel Alberta’s marketing campaign are peppered within it.

I want to emphasize Bentinho Massaro’s message shared in a video posted October 2014 titled, “How to Serve in the New Earth”.

The importance in becoming 100% confident in yourself, from within is uniquely described. Nobody outside yourself can tell you who you are.
When you recognize this, you are free.

I transcribed from 1:17:30.

If you really want to be Cutting Edge. If you really wish to go beyond the muck of Doubt and Equality and Inequality and other people thinking this and that of you. If you truly wish to Rise Above all of that, not in a Bad or Arrogant way. Just Rise Above all of it. If you Truly Wish to Set Yourself Free and Live in the Realm of your Chosen Thought, your Chosen Reality, your Chosen Frequency. You have to come up with a lot of Courage. You have to come up with a lot of Bravery. You have to Dare to Just Know. You have to let go of Physical Evidence because Physical Evidence is the result of your Knowingness, your Choice, your Conviction. If you don’t Choose your Conviction first, the Evidence will not Change. The People in it will not Change. The Scientists in it will not Change. You will Never Read an Article Confirming what you Intuit because you are Not Choosing your Intuition before you Read about the Evidence. This goes to all aspects of your Life. You Wish to see Confirmation of what you Know, Intuit and Hope to be True. Trust in your Hope until that Hope is Knowledge. Then that Knowledge or Conviction is then the Word that defines your Reality. Then Suddenly, there is Proof for it All Around You. Then Suddenly you Don’t Need Proof of it Anymore because you just Know Creation does not have One Reality and that Everything Else is just Imagination. You Know that Every Creative Reality is another Portion of Imagination Equally Valid to any Other Reality. The Question no longer is, am I delusional or not. The Knowledge is I am delusional … and so is Everybody Else.
…
We are all Delusional Creators. There is No One Solid Reality we All Agree Upon. There is No One Newtonian Truth. There is No One Scientific Reason or Reasoning. There is none of these. So you have to Realize that You are the Creator of the One Entire Individual Experience. At some point, you will be Lifted Beyond the Realm of “is this true or not?” I am not sure. I am Doubting what I Intuit because it has never been shown in Science Now. It has never been explained by some PhD sheep that followed the Educational System. (Bentinho lightly uses his hand as a gun to shoot himself in the head. Quick and subtle.) … There is No Need for Confirmation Outside of Yourself. You have to take that Bravery. You have to be willing to be Delusional. At least be willing to be Delusional for a Moment. And see that I Am actually just Free and this Reality Shapes Itself According to My Convictions. Once you start Tasting of that, you know that that is the Objective Truth that is True for Everyone but then Certain Beings think that is Not True for Everyone. What is True is what we Perceive. What we Perceive is the tail end of our Creation. Our Creation is Everything we See. Our Creation is Originating in our State of Being, our Conviction. Where we place our Energy, Focus, our Intention, our Self Belief. You have to be Willing to Let Go of Circumstances Dictating what is Real or Not for You so that You can Start Dictating Creation Effortlessly, Beautifully, Joyfully …

That is what Alights You. That is what Accelerates You (Rising to your Highest Version of Yourself). That is what For You Generates more and more Heaven On Earth.

I am the Happiest Person I Know. And I am 26 years old. That is not a thought I conjure up a lot. But sometimes people ask – you are so young and you generate so fast. How do I do that? It is by Following My Own Teachings. By Not Caring about the Outside World. Not Waiting for other People to Agree with Who I Am. Simple, right? Don’t wait for Other People to Agree on Who You Are!

The Fact you Desire to Be Who You Are is the Highest Authority, your Higher Self’s Permission Slip to Act in That Way, to Be in That Way.

With Integrity, with Love and Respect, of course. That is Not Difficult. That is Not Two Different Things. In Fact, You are Lacking the Integrity and Respect if you Don’t have the Integrity and Respect to Honor your Higher Self’s Impulses.

…

It is a Combination of what is Relevant to You. What is Inspired to You by Your Higher Selves. How You Respond to that, Receive that, Act on that in terms of Your Vibrational Attitude …

As an Exercise: Always be the Most Confident Person in the Room. It is not about whether that is True or Not. It is not about Comparison. When you Ask: Am I the Most Confident Person in the Room? Yes is the Only Valid Answer. Am I More Confident that Bentinho? Yes. I don’t need anything. I Am So Confident. …

I know Everyone here is my Child. Begging for Affection, Approval and Love.

Always be the Parent of the Circumstance. Of course, Unless You Want to Be the Child. That is Perfectly Valid too.

…At some point You get So Confident and you Know: oh yeah, these Beings Do Not Know Better than I Do.

As You Raise Your Confidence Frequency, you say wait a sec, these Other Beings Don’t Actually Know What They Are Talking About Better Than I Know Who I Am and What is True and How Life Works. I Have Full Access to that. When You are constantly in the Automatic Mode of: Others Know Better than I do, there is Outside Authority and I have to Wait for them to Agree with Me and Teach Me something. Then you are never going to move as fast as, for example, I tend to move. Because You are Not Choosing to be the most Confident Being of Your Reality.

End of transcription.

Felt to transfer what was an overflowing Facebook Post November 10, 2018 from my Sovereign Fun Page for easier retrieval.
I had included this Bentinho Massaro video as an addendum years ago in a Disabled Angel story. I find myself returning to this powerful message again and again. It points to a Beautiful Truth. For each one of us.

My creative choices in how to share these messages hint at a little dream of mine:
To put Alberta on the map as a destination for accelerated, efficient, effective personal optimization.
For anyone who chooses to pay us a visit.
Another seed planted.
I do not wait for it to sprout.
On to the most inspired action. Now.

I Am A Homemaker

Wednesday, November 14th, 2018

Dragonfly vision: the ability to see many perspectives simultaneously.
A natural human ability that got lost to the common man somewhere in the course of history.
I am inspired to bring it back in vogue.
Passionate would be an understatement.
Essential in the making of an effective homemaker.
Sometimes, my enthusiasm can be overwhelming to others.
I am aware.
Yet, I am committed to being myself.
Not requiring permission.
At the same time, respecting where others are.
I have taken on the responsibility to meet people where they are.
No matter where they are.
Always on the lookout for an opportunity to give an empowering lift up.
Step by step.
No matter how high or low.
No crime is too serious for me to see the human spirit within the monster.
It is always there.
I guarantee it.
I believe that any monster you perceive in the world has been created, in part, by you.
Bold statement.
The ability to see the jewel in everyone…
Has gotten lost in the larger community.
Yet there are many who share this gift with me.
A repeated phrase within my parenting duties comes to mind in the larger playing field of life,

If you cannot help me, at least do not hinder me.

I playfully inform my kids of this in a multitude of situations.
Yet it comes in handy in all other areas of life also.
Ultimately, each individual serves best when they take full responsibility for themselves.
Allow the other to do the same.
It is not uncommon with interactions to have varying degrees of lack of willingness …
to take responsibility for self.
Fine.
We are all human after all.
(Click on title see a beautiful video of Rag ‘n’Bones performing his song, Human)

Saying no to tasks that breed resentment.
Celebrating the requested tasks that light us up.
Grieving the times we recognize when a task has faded in its alignment to our joy.
Joy is an excellent guiding system.
Maybe we cannot always be in a state of joy.
Maybe we can.
My sense: is not all or nothing.
But in a healthy life, joy should be leading the game.
Joy to drudgery ratio.
Relevant to notice.
Raising this ratio is ALWAYS a good idea.
In our current world, we benefit from good role models.
Tapping into our creativity is a skill.
A skill that many do not have … yet.
I feel that I have figured enough things out that I can be of assistance.
As a listener and collaborator.
I have added mediator to this list.
Among other modalities.
I am a cross between the optimal homemaker and MacGyver.

Don Miguel Ruiz

Open-mindedness
Resourcefulness
Resilience
Flexibility
Compassion
Heartfulness
Integrity
Adaptability
Transparency
Neutrality

Each on their own rewarded.
Together, one is the master.
The master puts the fire out … before the fire even starts.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
I grieve the idea that the world needs many pounds of cure at the moment.
That will change.
As more and more master the game of life.

There is Great Power in the Neutral Zone.

At first I recommend thinking small.
Keeping the grander vision in your mind’s eye.
Start with one’s self.
Next … relationship with friends and family.
Vocational connections follow.
Widen your circle of influence appropriately as you bring mastery from micro to macro.
The challenge at hand will not stop me from playing my role as perfectly as I am able.
Maybe optimally is the better word.
Perfect is kind of loaded.
One man’s perfect is another man’s broken.
(By man, I mean human, not gender.)
To each his own.

Live and let live:
…Optimally, with full freedom, health and abundance.
Unless you choose otherwise.

Giving the respect you prefer to receive in the world … is mandatory.
If you value peace and harmony, that is.
I certainly do.
Going to someone else’s home and rearranging the furniture self-evidently appears disrespectful.
Yet, metaphorically, I see many using their power in this way.
Power Over steps on the sovereignty of the other.
Personal Empowerment combined with respect for the other’s sovereignty is how the world will experience Peace.
Micro to macro.

Bringing awareness to how we subconsciously choose allows more and more of us to choose consciously.
I celebrate every time I see people stepping into their mastery.
One baby step at a time.
Returning to our natural, sovereign human state.
In that state, we are home.
I am a homemaker.

I describe my role these days as being my Authentic Self.
Yet homemaker works just as well.

People … this could be Paradise.
(Click Paradise to hear Coldplay sing it like it is.)

No Human Left Behind.

First Contact As A Patient in Psychiatry: Story, Pilot Project Proposal

Saturday, October 27th, 2018

October 27, 2018 (published)

I share snippets of personal experiences from my first involuntary hospitalization with psychosis, labeled as Bipolar Disorder: a backdrop for my specific recommendations and a Pilot Project.
I am writing this on October 25, 2018, the 6 year Anniversary of my receiving a Psychiatric Label.

October 25, 2012
I am brought in to the Emergency Department by my brother (my only sibling) and my friend.
Over the proceeding days, I had elevated mood, extra playful, not concerned with societal norms.
I made a bizarre choice to bring my two dogs off-leash to a Government Building while meeting a friend the day prior. For a couple of weeks, I had difficulty managing my light schedule.
The day of admission, I was feeling more and more physically unwell. I felt an overwhelming amount of energy coursing through my body. I was physically exhausted, unable to drive. I asked someone to pick up my daughter from the fitness center and she walked in the room. Apparently I had driven her home but could not recall it. So weird. Did someone do it on my behalf? Using my body? Bizarre.
Later that evening, I went into full trance channelling mode. At the time, I did not know to call it that. Years later, I came to understand what had happened. It was a young woman from India speaking spiritually pleasant truths through me. In the moment, I was happy that my family could witness these beautiful messages. My daughter (15 years old at the time), former marriage partner and brother were very alarmed. They could clearly see that it was not me. And it wasn’t. I was freaked out too by their reaction and the newness of the experience.

It was decided, I would be taken to a local hospital for psychiatric assessment. It was my parenting partner, trained alongside me as a Physician, that made the decision. A reasonable one. I recall on the drive knowing full well that I would be committed to stay in the hospital. Commitment is a legal act to ensure that a patient with a Psychiatric diagnosis remains in hospital. A surreal realization.

When I arrived at the Emergency Room – familiar to me from my medical training- I went a little deeper into my unshared reality state. I got such clear messages that the entire medical system was backwards. 180 degrees. Which felt very funny to me. I thought I was being videotaped and might appear on a Juste Pour Rire show.
The nurse asked for the patient’s Alberta Healthcare Number. I was tickled to suggest to my brother that he show his. He was the one with concern. He was the patient. I was feeling lighthearted and playful despite my concern about being committed. I notice that my usually jovial brother had his serious Engineer face on. Hmmm…
Every step of the way, I was receiving messages about the unwellness of the healthcare system that was serving me. The messages resonated as true. Matching my own observation from when I worked as a training Physician and Family Physician. Yet there was much more certainty and some new twists added. I felt I was being upgraded and was elated in what I felt was a new and improved state of being.

After some waiting, 2 Psychiatrists assessed me in the company of my friend and brother. The 2 Physicians appeared undead, like zombies. They had x’es appearing over their eyes as seen in cartoons. My friend and brother appeared normally. I was asked many closed questions that made me feel boxed into a corner. Knowing what they were doing, I was reluctant to answer their questions. Feeling a sense of a conspiracy. Wow! Their questions were perfect. Like they knew that people cannot lie while in this state. They can be led to incriminate themselves. I was thinking, what a great way to stall human evolution. This Psychiatry System. My fascination over the years prior was with self-actualization, like Jesus Christ. Notice, I did not think I was Jesus Christ. That is so last millennium. I was inspired by the story of Jesus Christ as an example of what every human being is capable of. I wanted to experience my most optimal self. I actively pursued this vision.
Never discussed or asked about by the medical team, my episode was triggered by 3 separate past life regression sessions the week prior to admission. Against the better judgment of the practitioner. I was motivated to optimize myself as quickly as I could. A big lesson I learned from this was to ask for it to come … with ease and grace. I feel that I got exactly what I asked for. Partly because I had no idea how my request would play out. We are all sovereign beings much more in control of our experience than we have been taught to believe. Yet I see these episodes as self-healing somehow. As chaotic as they seem in the moment, they served my journey to wholeness. Kind of a rotor rooter for the psyche.

Back to admission day: I noticed that I am fully incapable of telling an untruth. My friend, a like-minded person who worked as an alternative healer, became like a translator. She recounted that I did not seem to understand the doctors but could understand her. She felt she understood me very well and was shocked and traumatized by the way I was treated by the physicians. Her intuitive senses were not pleased.

No surprise that I would be kept in hospital. Officially against my will but I knew that I needed some support. So I waited in Emergency until a bed would become available. Once arrived at the ward, I was quite delighted. There were many like minds to interact with. Peaceful, loving, playful patients. Here for the same reason I was. It did not take long before I got into trouble. I had no impulse control. I was just let loose on the ward. First, I was caught hugging another patient. Against the rules. Then, I was caught smoking in the bathroom with a fellow patient who wished to demonstrate how to do it without getting caught. I was not a smoker then but enjoyed the connection with another human. Second rule broken. Lastly, I was found lying in a bed with a fellow patient. Fully clothed, both exhausted yet enjoying the close company of each other. Holding hands.
I interject here that while in this state, we were like 5 year old children. I know that is not always the case but for the two of us, it was. We were both in a similar altered state. I was attracted to him like a magnet. He, the same. It felt really comforting to spend time with him. I truly wanted to take a nap with him by my side. It was very innocent. It was not anything about adult sexual desires etc. I can say this definitively because I debriefed with this young man and he remains a friend to this day.

Suggestion: When a patient is in this state lacking impulse control and in a loving state of mind, supervision is required to ensure to avoid unsafe situations. Yet, there is an argument that in a supportive environment, none of these situations were unsafe. Yet supervision is prudent.

The solution for the system: send Angèle to a lockdown unit. At the time there were less than 30 beds like this in my city. I was deemed to require one.
The only 2 solutions available were no supervision or lockdown. Not optimal. There is a middle ground to be explored.

So now I am in a room with windows showing out to the ward. With that wire mesh within. Locked door, at times. And a personal bathroom.
I came to learn that the prior tenant had left it in quite a mess. Markers and feces all over the wall.

The lockdown ward was not all bad. There were other gentle souls to connect to. It was not too long before I earned the privilege to spend time in the common area outside the 10 rooms for meals and various activities. Played a fast-paced card game with a fellow manic patient. There was an amazing fellowship amongst the patients. Most of us exuding a defiance against the system as it stripped us of our basic freedoms. Yet we were supportive and gentle with each other.

There was an awesome high-tech bathtub which I made daily maximum use of. I was surprised there was not more competition but was thankful for my long grounding baths. I even entertained a visit from my longest-standing friend from Grade 7 onwards. She arrived while I was soaking. I did not want to miss her visit (or my bathtime) so I suggested to the nurse to give me a towel which I fashioned into the form of a bathing suit in order to visit while I soaked. We both fondly recall regularly this strange scene.

I share a more spirited and alternate focused version of my first admission in a story called Sharing My Crazy. I choose not to go back and edit. It serves as Raw Data in my journey to wholeness.

I am occasionally haunted by a couple of incidents. I want to document these here, share what I have learned … and then move on with my life.

At one point, during one of the first nights in lockdown, I felt like I was close to death. I felt extremely unwell. I was frightened for my life for about 10 minutes. I took all medications prescribed at their full dose. I had not taken the time to consider my full rights as a patient to refuse, even if partially. It felt like a severe hypoglycemic episode – unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I was feeling so blessed that my mom had left a care package that included some dried blueberries in the drawer of the nightstand. I dug into those, ate them all. As I was waiting for the effect, I tapped into my medical mind. I attempted to stand and call for help but instantly lowered myself to the floor, without harm thankfully. Hypotension, low blood pressure. I recall checking my pulses to estimate my blood pressure. At the wrist, nothing. Systolic less than about 80. At the neck, yes. Systolic greater than 60. At the elbow, nope. Likely less than 70 systolic blood pressure.
I dragged my body over the floor, out the door. Finally a nurse saw me. My blood pressure was not initially detectable via their equipment. Concurs with my shortcut assessment with the pulses. When I reported that I thought I was having a severe hypoglycemic episode, a nurse declared that it was impossible because she checked my chart and I did not have diabetes noted.
I was seriously shaking my head with that line of thinking. Kind of scary to see such ignorance in a healthcare provider. I never did look into which of the 3 medications had that impact.
My lesson: Do not accept the full dose of the medication given. Aligned with my intuitive sense that I was not being treated optimally.

I am shy to add the other data point that led me to not accept full doses:
I became severely fecally impacted. Constipation that felt uncurable. I was so stubborn and fiercely independent, I never told anyone about it. Even in all these years. I felt so much animosity towards and from the staff. I felt the better option was to digitally disimpact myself. With great pain and difficulty. My assessment: this was more than any enema or laxative could handle. Certainly anyone could question my judgment on this. It gave me some insight on why a patient might choose to smear feces all over the walls as the prior resident did. Not my choice. I kept it tidy. And washed my hands probably 20 times. I was pretty offended by having such a disgusting condition. On the outside, I might be called fastidious.
Insult was added to injury.

Suggestion: In the current era, drug dosages should be re-evaluated. I hypothesize that dosages as low as 1/6 current standards may be just as effective for at least some patients with much reduced side effects. Combined with my complete suggestions, taking a slow and cautious approach with medication would be ideal. As in the Peer Assisted Open Dialogue system that I will share more about later. I do hypothesize not requiring any antipsychotic class medications may one day be the norm. High dose Vitamin B3 (nonflushing niacin) 3-6 grams per day may be effective at grounding the manic episode. With a much safer side effect profile.
There is a perspective in the alternative Psychiatric movement that never taking antipsychotics, ever, is the optimal. Being naive to this class of medication may prevent the current cycling we tend to see. The condition recurs due to withdrawal of the medication. So … the Doctors put the patient back on the medication. Then it is a perpetual loop. See the importance of attempting to clarify this issue?
First episode psychosis. An important event. An hypothesis that already has reasonable support in the alternative community: first-episode psychosis patients that never receive antipsychotic medication do better in the long-term than those who do. Maintain the naiveté. Use alternatives that will not enter into the cycle of withdrawal triggering another acute episode. Food for thought.

Suggestion: I do agree that it is helpful to ground a patient into a shared reality state. My current favorite to test out: high dose niacin 3-6 grams per day and Ativan prn. Dosage will be dependent on whether the patient is naive to benzodiazepines or not. I was naive and found 1mg, a miniscule dose, to be quite calming. Ativan was the only pharmaceutical used in my last (4^th) acute episode. Less than 10 mg over the course of 6 days.

Hypothesis: Connecting with an integrated peer with lived experience of psychosis could have an extremely grounding and nourishing effect. Experiencing the energetic field around the body of another human being who has integrated an unshared reality experience may be the therapeutic modality. Lots to discuss here. A safe demonstration would not be so difficult. Risks: minimal.
Aside from the fact that there is not an abundant supply of integrated peers … yet. Perhaps it is not about the peer aspect but a highly evolved integrated human being. For me, my therapist played that role. She was not a peer but her presence felt to have a very physical impact on me.
The peer would also be communicating to a patient in crisis in a supportive, humane fashion. Talking about hope and wanting to help the patient sort out this experience. Attempting to understand a patient and being willing to listen to their point of view: felt to be an essential component by most psychiatric survivors I have communicated with.
There is a Facebook Group over 5000 members where this theme is echoed consistently.

Practicing Psychiatrist, Dr. Peter Breggin’s video Helping Deeply Disturbed People (click title to view).
In the video, at 9:20, Dr. Breggin asks, “What is the beginning of recovery …? It’s not very complicated. It’s the building of a trusting relationship with someone. He goes on to describe (in the next 2.5 minutes) how even the craziest individuals will settle within minutes to an hour when given an authentically caring presence and a safe container to share feelings. He reassures the patient that he does not lock people up against their will or medicate someone in extreme emotional states. I can truly imagine how comforting that approach would have been in my First Contact with the Psychiatric System. I watched this video only once before, years ago, after being labeled in my extreme state. It inspired me. I feel that I want to be a part of this style of care. I dream that this viable option will be widely available – sooner than later.
One of the major roadblocks is a lack of willingness from Psychiatrists in practice.
How can we, as a society, overcome this roadblock?
Remains to be seen.

An Open Letter To The Spiritual Community About Psychiatry is quite a comprehensive article written by Dr. Kelly Brogan, another practicing Psychiatrist who is also modelling this viable alternative care. (Click title to view).

I want to emphasize: When in that altered state, linear, logical communication was not online. Yet another form of communication was. It baffled me quite a bit at the time. My exploration of mediumship at the Arthur Findlay College in 2015 filled in some blanks from this first involuntary admission. When I was first brought up to the ward, I was confused. I was well aware that my sense of reality did not match the caregivers. I continued to see the doctors looking like zombies (x’s over their eyes like in a cartoon) even the following day. The nurses seemed like they were moving on tracks, just like in the table top hockey game where you use a knob to twist/turn/move the hockey players in their slotted track.
Symbolic communication. Very similar to how mediums receive data from high-vibrational nonembodied energies on the other side of the veil.
It is a form of information that psychic mediums learn about to deliver messages between dimensions. Yes, this may sound kind of science fiction but there are many who use this vocabulary. I am one of them. I do prefer to translate into terms of physics whenever possible. It is not always possible.
This symbolic communication is more of a right brained, non-linear communication.
When I attended Arthur Findlay College, I had the same experience of channeling a spirit as prior to my 1^st admission. Yet in 2015 at the College, it was the most mundane thing. Like dialing a new channel on a radio. I dialed in, dialed out, then went for coffee.
The first time (prior to admission and labeling), I had no idea what was going on along with the severe physical overwhelm. The impact was much more chaotic. To have the same experience while in an ordinary state and within my conscious control added to my understanding.
A difficult topic of discussion with medically trained professionals.
Not that I have ever tried.

Of course, there was zero therapeutic alliance with any of the caregivers so I was non-transparent with them. Their focus of communication was similar to a multi-level marketing campaign. They wanted to ensure that I believed about my condition everything that they believed. You may be shocked to learn that there was no attempt to talk about my experiences. Diagnosis is made upon admission and then treatment is to talk you into the new future they have laid out for you. I would never get better. I would need medication for the rest of my life. If I ever were to stop the medication “the fire would restart in my brain and may never be extinguishable again”. For me, this was shock beyond belief. I now call it a soul shock. It felt like an invalidation as a human being. I have experienced layers of grief related to all this. Both as a Physician and a labeled patient.

I stopped all antipsychotic medication within 6 weeks of the first hospitalization discharge. Living as an automaton was not a result I could support. I maintained only a low dose of Lithium Carbonate. During my 2^nd involuntary hospitalization, I took the antipsychotics while an inpatient. I discontinued them upon discharge. I feigned compliance on my 3^rd stay. Not taking a single dose of the antipsychotic class of medications. Unbeknownst to the attending staff. I left the 8 day hospitalization taking the very same medication I took prior and during. Hinting at the self-limited nature of these altered states I had experienced. Being captive in a hospital is pretty grounding for me. Heavier, less healthy food. Etc.
I will add that I have not taken psychiatric pharmaceuticals since November 2016. I experienced my 4th out of the ordinary episode (medicine calls psychosis) in January 2018. I initiated a Nutrient regime using Hardy’s Essential Nutrients. I was treated outside the system by Peers, people with lived experience of psychosis. The Pilot Project detailed below was tested on myself first.

Psychiatric Drugs Are More Dangerous than You Ever Imagined Another video by Peter Breggin, (click title to view, 9 minutes)

Following my stay in lockdown, I was given a large, professionally printed handout on the topic of Falling Down. How to take great care to prevent falls while staying on the Psychiatric Ward. I chuckled to myself. If lower doses of antipsychotic medications were given, a less is more attitude amongst the prescribers, we would have no need for a large handout explaining how to prevent falls. These medications do have side effects that can affect quality of life in many ways. Many patients prefer alternatives yet the healthcare providers feel content with the status quo. They lack motivation to look at alternatives. Not willing to look. Hence, they do not find alternatives.

Patients are motivated to discover alternatives.
Patient-led healthcare. The trend of this millennium.
Many hands make light work.
The caregivers appear a little overwhelmed from where I sit.
Systematic disempowerment leaves many patients requiring significant assistance from family and healthcare workers.

To tease out the issues and allow for progress in the field of Psychiatry is a subject of my dreams.
Likely requiring study of Consciousness in a more serious way. This will require collaboration between many different types of people. With and without credentials.

The Natural History of Bipolar Disorder: what do we really know?
A train of thought was adopted nearly a century ago.
I question many of the assumptions that were made in history.
The way the system is functioning, we can never discover the natural history of the condition. I understand it is a challenge to tease out the optimal truth in a safe fashion. Yet, I still want to do so.

Pilot Project Suggestion:
Manic patients naturally defy treatment.
While they are exercising their right to choose their therapy, they can be offered a more natural alternative: Niacin 3-6 grams daily (broken into three doses over the day) and Ativan PRN. With or without the Hardy’s Essential Nutrients, 12 per day. With the inclusion of the micronutrient formulation, this protocol was very satisfactory to me with my latest episode, January 2018. In the following months, I was able to process much trauma, grief and negative emotions. Somehow, I was not able to complete this while on medications.
A functional therapeutic alliance with at least one healthcare worker is essential. I hypothesize that most patients will be grounded down within 3 days. Extra niacin 3 grams was added to my care after 3 days. I have heard of quicker results, within 1 day, with higher dose, 6 grams of Niacin daily. With a reduced level of acuity, the healthcare team can take some time to develop a therapeutic alliance with the patient.
Recommended: a patient Peer Advocacy Service be developed by integrated peers. Not peers indoctrinated into the medical system as it exists. Initially, supervision and observation in an optimal fashion. It is essential to foster hope and optimism. Peers appear to be in the best position to deliver this care in the current environment.
The beginning of a new collaborative approach.
Looking for solutions. They exist.

I am pleased with my experience with the Pilot Project protocol. I wonder if it might benefit other people in an altered state of consciousness (psychosis in medical terminology).
I am brought back to a one-liner, alluding to learning medical procedures, from my Medical Training:
See one. Do one. Teach one.
I long ago added:
Sometimes you have to skip a step or two.

Addendum:
I wrote an article about the Peer Assisted Open Dialogue now running in a large pilot project in many Health Trusts in England. (click title to view).
I see this new paradigm as a good fit here in Canada also. Multi-disciplinary, non-hierarchal.
It would create the fertile environment to safely develop non-pharmaceutical strategies of care.

Afterword:
My intention was to keep this article short. But also to share transparently to enable as much information to be harvested as possible. I recognized late that I skipped over the temporal association of the Ayahuasca Ceremony I did in August 2012 while in Ecuador. Two months prior to my Out of the Ordinary experience in October of the same year. I do not want to attempt to squeeze it into the body of the article. I recognize that this could create confusion if not given proper context.
Perhaps it played a role in this episode. I don’t know. However, I want to clearly state that I made a decision to partake in Ayahuasca without fully understanding what was possible. Looking back, I may have blocked the potential to have prevented my episode. I heard a little bit about what was involved and proclaimed to myself that I would not vomit or have diarrhea. My fastidious nature did not want any messy stuff. The result: No diarrhea or vomiting. Yet, had I approached the ceremony without this limiting proclamation, I hypothesize that I may never have had the psychosis episode in the first place. Likely, I would have experienced more purging and taken a completely different path on my journey to wholeness. The experience I had with my first Ayahuasca Ceremony was very galactic. Because I said no to the embodied experience. Perhaps all part of my soul’s plan: to experience the Acute Care Psychiatry System. I believe this. I regret that this detail could easily be interpreted in suboptimal ways by those who may benefit greatly from a ceremony themselves.
I took part in a 2nd Ayahuasca Ceremony in March 2017 in Costa Rica. This time, I did not wish to control the results. I simply proclaimed that if I were to purge, it would be in the proper receptacle. The vomit bowl and the bathroom received all purgings. It was not pleasant. But I was not in need of laundry services. The experience was deeply emotional as much subconscious personal pain was purged. I would call it a complex, multidimensional episode. Loosened things up to make room for my wholeness.

Fun fact: The Social Worker in my first hospital admission asked, with a cynical sneer, if I used DMT while in Ecuador. I said no. Intuitively, I imagined a yes would result in a punishing lecture. It was clear there was no respect offered to anyone who might have chosen to take DMT. A more respectful tone would have been greatly appreciated. The atmosphere of judgment is the environment of the acute care I received. I would prefer a more humane, caring attitude in my caregivers.
I looked up DMT after discharge and realized that I had unknowingly lied. DMT is a psychoactive chemical found in Ayahuasca. Just another pointer that collaboration is very much needed.
I feel translation services, at the very least, are a potential beneficial service of Peer Advocates.
There is so much to discuss between the lived experience community and the traditional Psychiatric Professionals. Willingness from the professionals is a significant missing ingredient.
Everyone values their personal freedom. However, the legal backing given to the Profession of Psychiatry is very concerning to me. What system do we have in place to ensure that healthcare providers given these legal powers are healthy and balanced themselves? Who is in a position to make this assessment?
Prediction: The new paradigm for the Field of Psychiatry will not require legally backed authority tools.

Addendum #2: November 17, 2018

I return to this article to add that my 4th episode January 2018 was triggered by smoking cannibis.
I did not emphasize that fact to my family, yet it may have served very well.
At that time, I was still in the distrusting, fiercely independent mode.
Cannabis has not been a part of my life. I tried it a few times as a teenager. I took the occasional toke when in the presence of someone smoking – maybe a handful of times- in my adulthood.
I have taken an interest in cannabis as the legalization was approaching. I have several friends with great knowledge and passion about cannabis as a medicine. So I received some as a Christmas Gift. Haha. I smoked a little two days in a row. I have chosen to stick only to edibles moving forward. However not a part of my care. Tried it a few times. Had some great sleep following.
I feel it is quite relevant to ensure this addition to my story. Now 2 years without Psychiatric Pharmaceuticals.

Summary of my Treatment Modalities this past year:
I take Hardy’s Essential Nutrients 12/day, Extra Non-flushing Niacin 1g twice a day. Started January 2018.
I have used many bottles of Bach’s Flower Essences, as my intuition has guided. Probably about 20 bottles over the last year.
I have received 3 sessions of either QHHT (Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique) or BQH (Beyond Quantum Healing). I feel this is one of the most efficient, effective, cost-effective treatment modalities out there.
November 9, 2018- I had the pleasure of receiving a “Quantum” (for lack of a better word) Massage.
The 2 practitioners aforementioned are dear personal friends. I have some talented friends!
I am very pleased with my level of functioning and wellness with my self-directed care, 11 months following my latest episode.
Hypothesis: I will not experience another episode. Remains to be seen.
Yet if I do, I will simply learn a little more.
It is nothing to fear. I think of it as a potentially efficient treatment modality in its own right.
Especially if it is optimally supported in a caring container with humane practitioners who are masters at forming a therapeutic alliance.

Patient-led care.
The wave of the future.

Why I Divorced My Psychiatrist (and the Field of Psychiatry)

Thursday, October 25th, 2018

October 24, 2018

I look forward to a day when we can raise the stage, create a safe container for two-way (at least) dialogue and change the conversation in the field of Acute Care Allopathic Psychiatry. My experience as a patient labelled with Bipolar Disorder showed me a team of professionals who feel they understand the conditions in their patients. Universities and training programs perpetuate some beliefs that has created a well-trod path in the approach to care. Questioning the many assumptions that were made a generation or more ago has not been the norm. I was trained as a Family Physician (graduated in 1990) which gave me a behind the curtain view of Psychiatry, over 20 years before being labeled as a patient and hospitalized under the Mental Health Act (against my will) on three separate occasions.

I will sidestep the details of my inpatient visits. Each have been documented in some form by me and shared on my Disabled Angel website. I will add links to the many writings pertaining to this topic at the end of this article. Keep in mind, they were written years ago. I do not feel to amend them as I see them as a documentation of my recovery.
Ultimately, I have a strong hypothesis that these out of the ordinary states that Medicine calls psychosis will find optimal understanding within the underdeveloped field of Human Consciousness. With optimal understanding of consciousness, I suggest that we will develop far more effective, humane and efficient ways to support people who have acute experiences known as psychosis.

My last visit to a Psychiatrist was March 1, 2016. It was a strange visit for me. I had switched my outpatient followup care from the original admitting Psychiatrist (in all 3 of my admissions) to this new female. Felt I needed a change.
This was my 4^th visit to this new doctor. I wished to develop a therapeutic relationship partly to share the amazing findings in my experience about the alternatives available for patients like myself. Each of the first 3 visits, I did my best to authentically share my views. She appeared to listen patiently. I had so genuinely suggested she look into the promising Peer-Assisted Open Dialogue system underway in England. (Click the colored link to see an article I wrote about this multidisciplinary system of care.) I was left with the impression that she would look it up. In the end, it was a bit more of a metaphorical pat on the head. She had no intention of doing so. So by the 4^th visit, I clearly asked, “You know that I am a Doctor right?” She adamantly answered, “Yes, but I am on this side of the desk”. We bantered back and forth in this vein. I left that visit confused. I decided to obtain the chart notes looking for a better understanding about why our communications did not feel right to me.
Here is a 16 minute video, Communication Breakdown I created to document my reaction on the day, 3 weeks later, I received the chart notes. (Click on the title to view).
I was triggered by her charting “some delusions of grandiose: there is a movie called Crazy wise , and I might be in it” “I am friends with the director Phil Borges” See picture of the actual chart notes above.
During that visit, she did not share this with me. As a Doctor, I recognize that it is common practice to keep this type of observation (for lack of a better word) to one’s self.
I was pretty charged up about being so significantly mis-documented. Truly, the only way she could chart this is to call Phil Borges himself and ask him if he knew me. OR She could have asked me more about that statement.
OR She could have Googled Crazywise, Angèle Beaudoin, and she would have found this link to a video interview Phil Borges, along with Kevin Tomlinson, did with me in the fall of 2014 in Brazil. (click colored letters to view the 1 minute clip)

Phil, Kevin & I, Oct. 2014

I had said I might be in the film Crazywise because I was not sure if my clip would end up being included. In the final production, it was not used. Which made perfect sense when I viewed the completed production of the film that has started a movement. Even prior to its official release, an annual conference took place exploring the issues of suboptimal understanding of extreme states of consciousness that have been lumped into the term psychosis.

Thinking back to that visit I recall her offering a new mood stabilizer. The Doctor in me was genuinely interested. I had not heard of anything new coming out. I asked for its generic name and recognized it instantly as:
1. Not new
2. An antipsychotic medication
What? I was thankful that I had the freedom to politely answer, no thanks. The offer made little logical sense to me. Another incident building the case for my lack of trust of the profession.
I felt she was trying to trick me into taking an antipsychotic medication. I wondered if this was a common tactic she used with her patients?
Truly unprofessional. Lack of transparency.
Yet it is complicated. I recognize that. Hence, the long lag before I could be in a state to share this story. My number one intention to share now is to ask for a seat at the table and collaborate to find solutions. Please note my strong opinion – Peer-Assisted Open Dialogue approach would be a very workable start that would enable solutions for the current system to be uncovered. At the very least, we can treat people humanely. I do not think we need to do Scientific Research before we ensure care is humane.

That day in March 2016 was a Doctor versus Doctor moment. It was the practising Psychiatrist who was the delusional one. Ironic. She looked at me like I was a mirror … and charted what she saw. This mirror phenomenon is very relevant. I will not expand on this here. A Physics of Consciousness concept.
Yet what was I to do about it? The entire chart was a very biased and fictional story – to my eye. I was charted with 5 anaphylactic allergies (obviously a clerical error, I have no allergies). The error remains on my chart to this day. I was instructed to fill out forms etc etc. to have the allergies removed from my chart. Really? Suboptimal system. Just another piece of evidence for me. Yet the achilles heel of the Field of Psychiatry is the one-sided proclamation that patients like me lack insight into their own condition.
I would state it is more true to say that my insight does not match the insight of a traditional practicing Psychiatrist.
The tragedy here: I do feel that the Clinicians also lack insight into my condition. I do not claim 100% knowledge about what happened to me, but I do feel sure, based on my experience as a patient and a doctor, that the traditional Practicing Psychiatrist also does not know. The Field of Studying Consciousness is more of a Physics than a Biology, Genetics or Chemistry. I have come to believe that Physics trumps Biology (along with Genetics and Chemistry).

An aside, the inpatient care I received likened your enthusiastic friend always trying to interest you in their latest Multi-level Marketing Company. I would say that over 80% of communications with me from staff, nurses and doctors, revolved around Do I believe what they believe about my condition? It more closely resembles an obnoxious marketing campaign. Staff are significantly distracted away from the primary care of their patients labelled with ‘psychosis’.
I have ideas how to approach this habit. Patients naturally take a very defiant, defensive position. A healthy therapeutic alliance is impossible under these conditions. Staff feel justified when they experience this consistent response. Yet there may be other explanations as to why the response is so consistent. These altered states are associated with high sensitivity and intuition. Linear communication is not as online (yet still present in the background). It is accessible once returned to a more common state of consciousness.
It is quite entangled. Solutions are available, yet without willingness of a professional group or groups to explore those solutions, they will remain unavailable to the population affected by acute episodes of unshared reality. An extremely vulnerable position, to be sure. The association with profound personal transformation is not optimally recognized by the Psychiatric Profession. Yet.

I landed on choosing to do nothing about the inaccurate charting of my delusion of grandeur. I felt it was Medical Malpractice. Generally, my entire care has felt like invalidation of me as a human being. Staff demonstrate through their actions that there is no point listening to me or people like me because no truth can be found by us.
I planned to keep an eye/ear open for a proper stage or container to share this experience of not being recognized as a valid human being in my own care. I have yet to find that safe container. Being misrepresented by someone who has been given legal authority to overlook my own personal sovereignty is a daunting feeling. I did not trust that the Alberta College of Physicians and Surgeons would handle my grave concern in a way that would be optimal. They were trained in the same system as the Psychiatrists. One of my former classmates could have been the attending officer should I have chosen to lodge a formal complaint. Physicians policing physicians. I chose not to trust that system of self-regulation. To challenge the foundation of a field of medical care, where does one go for that?
I believe that a majority of Psychiatrists practicing in the traditional fashion would have treated me the very same. It is a systematic issue, not personal to this specific Physician. I am unaware of a proper avenue to share this experience. I even booked an appointment with my own personal lawyer in January of this year. I was not sure if or how she could help. Perhaps she could sit beside me as I shared this with the appropriate professional in a way that they could appreciate the gravity of the power differential for labelled patients. The legal backing given to a profession who never listens to their patients is not optimal. As a trained Physician myself, I recall the cardinal rule for all fields of Medicine: Listen to your patients. I did not initially recognize that Psychiatrists were excluded from this one. Dangerous state of affairs for a Field of Study that may not have a stable scientific backing. In training, I had contemplated the idea that if we declare a patient lacks insight into their condition, does this make us a god of some sort?
In the end, I cancelled my lawyer appointment. I do not know who would be the optimal professional to hear my concern as outlined above. If you do, I sincerely ask that you put them in touch with me.

I am reluctant to add here but feel I must: I ended up having a 4^th episode of altered state of consciousness. Hence, I cancelled the lawyer appointment in early January 2018. My plan to attempt to be heard was one of the triggers of this episode. Noteworthy to add: I did not seek Medical attention, certainly not with a Psychiatrist. I have collected a small network of Peers, some having also divorced the Psychiatric Profession many years ago. I was cared for by my Peers. It settled in 6 days. I used about 10 tablets of Ativan 1mg over the episode that helped calm me and get some sleep. I have not taken Lithium Carbonate, or any other pharmaceutical, since November 2016, aside from the PRN Ativan during the latest episode.
I initiated a regimen of Hardy’s Essential Nutrients and extra Niacin at the onset of the latest episode in January 2018. Niacin has some documentation as a natural antipsychotic.
It felt like my process finally had a chance to complete. I took tender care of myself through the year 2018. As I waited for my brain to “nutrate”, a term we laughingly use. Here I am at the end of October.
I processed a lot of grief over the months. Grief that in former times, I ran away from. I left my body in a way. I refused to remain grounded and feel the pain that now has been felt. I simply share my observations as an expert in Psychosis, via experience. I am ready to participate in a true evaluation of what is best for patients who have experienced extreme states. When we understand more, likely we will line up with better care.

Out of this experience, a dream formulated.
I strongly recommend that a Tribunal of diverse multidisciplinary individuals deeply explore, with a wide open mind and heart, the question:
What is Psychosis?
Important to include in the group:

Peers- people with lived experience, like myself
Philosophers
Ethicists
Quantum Physicists
Alternative care professionals who already incorporate a style of practice without pharmaceuticals.
Variety of Medical Professionals
Occupational Therapists and other paramedically trained professionals
Variety of people lacking any connection to Psychosis
The list can go on and on.
I do have concern that those (entrained) trained in the current system may lack a willingness to consider that all they have been taught may have done great harm to many. Cognitive dissonance is a barrier to this work.

This would be an epic challenge. Most people raised in the western world have been entrained to specific styles of thinking, mindsets, that may have difficulty approaching this topic from a clear slate. Still worth doing. It would take some masterful facilitating to come to some workable action points.
The reward is a great one. To allow a system to reform itself so that individuals can be enabled and empowered in their lives.
Systematic disempowerment is how I view the current Psychiatric system. One mindset attempting to hold another mindset captive. Live and let live would be an improvement. Exploration of mindsets in the setting of Mental Healthcare … would be amazing!

It is time to raise the stage,
… to create a safe container for discussion ,
… and Change the Conversation
… in wholeness care.

No human left behind.

Angèle Beaudoin, M.D.

Links to other articles by Angèle Beaudoin (written years ago during my recovery/exploration):
Quantum Theory of Psychiatry – to explain how consciousness, an offshoot of Physics, would ideally be the basis for Psychiatry.
WRAP it Up – about overwhelmed caregivers and patient support group experiences. WRAP= Wellness Recovery Action Plan

Sharing My Crazy – My 1st involuntary hospital admission, October 2012
It’s All Fun and Games – My 2^nd involuntary hospital admission July, 2013. Involuntary Haldol cocktail injection.
What I Learned in Crazytown? My 3^rd involuntary hospital admission, May 2015
Monkey On My Back – I am referring to the Medical Profession. A very personal emotional expression. I used orangutans as a symbol for Psychiatrists. I obtained a lot of healing writing this story. I cry almost every time I read it. Including today. It is a sad story for me.

Freedom

Friday, October 19th, 2018

October 19, 2018

Freedom.
In the great, wide world there are so many levels of freedom. We hear talk of the free world, yet how free are we all? Truly.
So many questions would have to be answered before you can evaluate how truly free you are?

Freedom to be one’s self.
Freedom to love.
Freedom to work.
Freedom to enjoy good health.
Freedom to relax and rejuvenate.
Freedom to train or educate one’s self.
Freedom of expression. Personally, professionally and globally.
Freedom to hold beliefs not matching the consensus within the system.
Freedom to obtain the necessities of life.
Freedom to agree to disagree with others.
Freedom to travel when and where one desires.
(I had to throw that one in there …)
Freedom to make all one’s dreams come true.
(The ultimate freedom. I like to think big.)
The list goes on and on.

Discussions about freedom can be superficial or incredibly deep.
Are you free to be yourself?
The philosopher within me asks deeply, who are you? Really.
Buckminster Fuller stated long ago:
What usually happens in the educational process is that the faculties are dulled, overloaded, stuffed and paralyzed so that by the time most people are mature they have lost their innate capabilities.
A sobering concept. My experience feels the truth of it.
I recall over 10 years ago reading 2 key questions offered by Deepak Chopra.
Who are you?
What do you want?
At the time, I had no complete answer to either question. Struck a deep chord within me. I have been pondering those same 2 questions ever since. Definitive answers have been evasive and evolving.
Change seems the only constant.

I took some serious detours putting focus on the many systemic barriers getting in the way of freedom. I am left feeling that the old playground setup by prior generations offers the illusion of people feeling free superficially yet on a deeper level, most are not. Committed to working long hours to pay for the lifestyle we have become entrained to feel is normal. Etc. I will not elaborate further. I trust my point is made.

Buckminster Fuller is famously known to say:
You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.
Challenge accepted!
How? Infinite ways.
I make decisions in my life by reflecting on my choices.
Does this action/idea contribute to maintaining the old playground or will this action/idea contribute to the construction of the new playground?
I am a super big fan of the optimal question. It is the only way to find your way to the optimal answer.
Question your questions.
Question your beliefs.
Is what you are believing absolutely true?
Almost always, no it is not.
Relative truth is everywhere. Awareness about its relativity is still a concept due for greater harvest in the wider world – to my experience.
The truth is relative. To lots of things.

A less famous Buckminster Fuller quote:
When I am working on a problem, I never think about beauty but when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

When the dream about the new playground becomes a collective one, it will be created. Small pockets at first spread around the world. Coalescing together over time. How long? Anyone’s guess. To my eye, it is underway.
The powers that were do not want to shine a light on this. For obvious reasons.
Keep yours eyes, ears, hearts and minds open and you will begin to see it bubbling all around.
The greater participation with this approach, the quicker the results will be seen.
I have some ideas I am working on.
Hope you do too.

I’m not a genius. I’m a tremendous bundle of experience.
Buckminster Fuller

Elf Christmas Movie

Saturday, December 23rd, 2017

I love comedy! Many different varieties, including silly.
Saw Elf this year again.
I have decided that it is one that I wish to watch each year.
I see the theme as a giant metaphor for life.
Take “belief in Santa” and exchange it for “belief in authentic human beings – free, vital, having fun, etc.”.
Just as the meter was low at times in the movie, when the physical evidence was reported, the belief went up.
The catch 22 is that without the belief, the chances are less to see the physical evidence.
Yes, my mind really works this way.

To make my point (with tongue firmly in cheek), here are a few You Tube clip links:

You sit on a throne of lies.

Buddy realizes he’s human.

When one displays authenticity, misunderstandings abound.
Which can trigger others. As is depicted in The Angry Elf.

Dating has its challenges. Child-like amazement with the world. We are all like snowflakes, no two are alike.
Buddy breaks all the rules and is simply authentic which includes playful.
Buddy & Jovie’s Date.

Buddy goes to the Doctor. He was highly misunderstood. I can relate.
The Doctor failed to consider the context of how Buddy became the way he was.
Who raised him and with what values? What was his aim in life? Pretty relevant.
When we do not understand the context of another person, misunderstandings will result.

Humans respond well to stories. Comedy is funniest when it points at truth. It can be subtle.
Many people appear to not be able to handle the truth. So we have to get silly sometimes to gently lead people towards the optimal truth. For everyone.
I can imagine that this Movie Medicine prescription that I offer may be difficult to accept.
We each have our free will to choose how relevant any version of the truth is.
I so enjoy seeing how the entertainment industry creatively eases us towards optimal truth, in amazingly creative ways.
Comedians. We truly cannot live optimally without them, in my opinion.

Exchange Christmas Spirit for Human Spirit and see if it gives you any ideas.
My prescription this Christmas. See the movie Elf.
The last silly clip from the movie Elf: the best part of Elf.

Can Our Religions Evolve for the 21st Century?

Sunday, December 17th, 2017

My answer: Yes, of course.
IF they are willing to do so.

I was inspired to write this piece after watching this beautiful 15 minute video declaring Buddhism’s willingness.
Click to watch The Story So Far posted on HHK 17’s You Tube Channel. HHK 17 is short for His Holiness Karpama 17.
If all of our Religions could adopt this evolutionary view of the 17th Karmapa, it would benefit the world immensely.

I was very taken by his closing quote:
At 13:20 in this 15 minute video:
17th Karmapa is asked, What is the mission of the Karmapa in this lifetime?

Answer:
“The Mission of the 17th Karmapa in this 21st century is mainly Dharma activity.
However, the Dharma must change in order to suit the time and the needs of society and its people.
Its essence will still be Buddha Dharma – but I may give it a new external shape.
I will update its expression so it can most effectively benefit people of the 21st century.
That is my mission.”
Mine too, for the record.
The future is now.

The 14th Dalai Lama is prominently featured in The Story So Far of HHK 17.
The Dalai Lama’s prophetic dream that matched the HHK 16 letter describing the future birth of HHK 17, prior to both the death of His Holiness Karpama 16 and the birth of HHK 17, is a compelling physical evidence of what I like to call The Physics of Consciousness. Most in the world refer to it as Spirituality.
I am passionate to reterm Spirituality into the language of Science.
Why?
Because as most of the world operates most comfortably in the Scientific language, I see great benefits to study Consciousness and allow the bridges between Consciousness, Spirituality and Science to be more easily conceptualized by the masses. To great benefit for all.

I have upgraded a Map of Consciousness written by Dr. David R. Hawkins in his book Power Versus Force.

Depicted above is the original scale by Dr. Hawkins.
My upgrade to this scale I call an Authenticity Scale, for lack of a better term.
I have a lot to add to the area termed enlightenment, between 700-1000.
I believe this area has been widely misunderstood by the world, myself included.
Enlightenment is kind of a scary term. Which led me to rename it Authenticity.
Authenticity is not scary, is it?
Through our programmed beliefs about who Jesus Christ (and others) were, enlightened beings, it feels very unrealistic to achieve enlightenment.
To achieve Authenticity is what I profess.
Do we know what an authentic human being looks like?
Not widely so, I would boldly declare.
I would like to direct Scientific Study towards these questions:
What does an authentic human being look like?
How does an authentic human being behave?
The Field of Study would be called The Physics of Consciousness.

I see the concept of an Authenticity Scale as a valuable tool to use in today’s environment.
Fitting best into Physics, Quantum Physics.
Evolving with our understanding of Consciousness.
I do not profess that this tool is the fundamental truth, yet perhaps it is, but an important concept to allow us to dig out of the trench of our Unsustainable System of Systems that do not take into account the needs of an Authentic Human Being. I do not feel we have connected to what these needs are as yet.
Our systems reflect this lack of knowledge.
For the purpose of optimizing ourselves and the world we live in, I recommend we use this Authenticity Scale as a bridge to understanding ourselves and the energetic component of our multidimensional anatomy that is currently bypassed within the realm of Medical Science as it is most commonly applied in the modern Western World.
I am not choosing to include my working model of the Authenticity Scale in this piece.
A multidisciplinary, collaborative approach to this work would be my dream in this lifetime.
I dream of the day when the Scientific Instruments become widely available to aid us in studying this and applying it to our world systems.
I use a couple of terms for myself in this grand hypothesis: Futurist and Physics of Consciousness Professor.
Easily termed crazy by the Scientists living in the status quo of our modern day.
Not a problem.
I always translate crazy to mean: Truth not yet optimally perceived.
I encourage more of our Scientists to open their mind and become willing to apply the Scientific principles to my theories.
This would involve:
1. Questioning assumptions made by Medical Science related to Consciousness.
2. Getting curious as to what is the optimal truth about Consciousness.
3. Starting to investigate a variety of hypotheses with the aim of …
… Enabling and Empowering Optimal Human Health.
The prior bolded sentence is my Personal Mission Statement for my upcoming Professional Work.

Mahayana Buddhism was felt by Dr. David R. Hawkins and his team to be the most evolved living Religion in the world at the time of writing his book, Power Vs. Force. His group muscle-tested it at 970. That piece truly captured my attention.
I agree wholeheartedly with this perspective.
I am an Ex-Catholic who has always been interested in Comparative Religion.
Theology fascinates me.
I took a Catechism course in St. Albert, Alberta back in 1992 or 1993, in preparation for my marriage, September 1993, in the Catholic Church to a man whose parents were born, raised and educated in Mauritius, Africa. His grandparents born in China, immigrated to Mauritius in early adulthood to escape the Japanese invasion that was expected in the late 1930’s. My family to be were simultaneously attending a private Catechism course taught by a Nun of Chinese origin. A fascinating contrast. I will spare the details.
I recall it was Father Brian who taught my course, which ended up being my dream course that would have been better titled, Comparative Theology of some of the World’s main Religions.
Led me to a dream of seeing a similar course delivered to all children of the World, starting with the Edmonton Public School System where my 3 children have and are currently being educated.
I dove into a role as an Education Advocate about 15 years ago, as my first child entered Kindergarten.
A tumultuous political time in Alberta’s Education History.
My experience as an Education Advocate could be termed traumatic, but on the plus side, it was highly educational. As to the unwillingness of the System to consider optimal change.
Most of our systems are entrenched. Continuing on as they have for the suboptimal reason:
We have always done it this way.

I am presently relating with many First Nations Elders from both the United States and Canada.
I see the same dream repeating itself if it could be applied to the First Nations deep wound that exists within Canadian Culture. A skeleton in the closet that Canada’s citizens are extremely reluctant to look at.
The First Nations people are also challenged to commit to optimize the relationship.

I could write volumes more on this topic but I will not try to connect all the dots in this brief article.
To ask for Religions of all denominations, I include First Nation Traditions within this broad term, to consider how they can evolve their beliefs to Optimize the people … would:
Raise the Stage
Change the Conversation (implies starting the Conversation)
Leading to World Peace.

I conclude with my favorite definition du jour of Consciousness:
Everything Exists,
And Nothing is Judged:
Allows you to live fully as you believe in and function from a reality of possibility.

A few more quotes to live by:

To empower yourself is the greatest gift anyone can give to the world.

“Deprogram yourself:
Assertively retrain your mind.
Go from thinking to doing.
Mindset over Matter.”

“Confidence is humility.
Insecurity is arrogance.”

And … My all-time Favorite:

Live and Let Live.
(Goes a long way towards World Peace)

I leave you with on of my favorite songs I sung (in 6 part harmony with the Church Choir back in the day):
Dona Nobis Pacem performed by Yo Yo Ma.
The title is Latin for Grant Us Peace.
Another version by Cantus: Dona Nobis Pacem.
Niagara Children’s Choir sing the version my choir sung decades ago. Dona Nobis Pacem.

I recently scoured the internet looking for an optimal choral version of the Canon, as sung by the Children’s Choir. It does not exist … Yet.
I predict that my passionate desire for one, will plant a seed somewhere on the earth for one to be produced. When? Anyone’s guess.

Amadeus Movie – a Glimpse into Jealousy

Monday, December 11th, 2017

It is not easy being green … with jealousy.
Not so uncommon out in the wide world.
My translation of jealousy, based in the Physics of Consciousness, is that one who is not experiencing optimal coherence witnesses another in full coherence … and misunderstands the situation.
Secrets & Lies … everywhere.
From a Physics perspective, when we choose secrets and lies, our personal energetic system lacks coherence.
Until others around us start to wise up to our ways, we get away with it.
In the environment of today, less and less likely to continue to do so.
Why?
Because we have all been required to up our intuitive skills.
Become fluent in intention.
The unsustainable system of systems has been an amazing training ground.
For me anyway.
I do not feel that I am alone with this.
Yet, as intuitive skills rise, so have the tactics of those who feel a benefit to cloak their truest intentions.
Both sides are leveling up.

I took myself out recently. A Friday night.
Through the winter season, I have a once a week date night with myself.
I usually see live theater or musical performances with the occasional movie night thrown in there.
A live movie event for the 1984 production of Amadeus was playing.
The movie was shown simultaneously with the live performance of both the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra and the University of Alberta Madrigal Singers acting as the Soundtrack.
It was spectacular!
The timing. Perfection.
I often had to remind myself that the music was live.
The audience was immersed in the experience.
This format: A first for me. So cool!
Somebody came up with this epic idea. Congrats and thank you!

I had seen this movie before, back in the day.
The depth of the theme missed me back then.
The complex, deep professional jealousy that was the heartbeat of the movie was a rich experience in my present day form.
I feel it is my passion to explore human themes via the variety of creative expressions in an open data format.
I love to play with the creative genius of others.
Often feeling to add a little layer of my own.
There is heartbreak with this jealousy theme.
It is a decelerator in our world.
I admit that I am naive to how great or small this influence is.
Yet I do prescribe this movie, Amadeus, as another Movie Medicine prescription.
One man recognized the creative genius in another.
And felt to squash it!
Covertly, with a sweet smile.
How often does that happen in our world?
There seems a human urge to muck around within the creative boundaries of another.
Stepping on their freedom of authenticity.
I believe that it is often subconscious.
Which does not make it any less sub-optimal.
Yet this story reflected how much harm was received from the instigator also.
He gambled his entire life’s happiness … on extinguishing the light of another.
Am I the only one who sees how counter-intuitive this is?
I understand.
I have great compassion, believe me!
The bad guy has adopted the fear/scarcity mindset. Two-point logic.
He was under the false impression that there is only so much to go around.
He fell into an illusion that his self-worth was reduced by the actualized self-worth of the creative genius, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
So in order to protect what he felt he deserved, he took sordid, clandestine actions.
Consciously.
I am passionate about being a spokesperson for the viable, alternate mindset on offer to any and everyone who chooses it: Love and Abundance Mindset. Four-point logic. A more expansive operating system for the human being, circa 2017.
With our cultural conditioning, it does require some unlearning of beliefs and concepts to enable the viable mindset be adopted.
The only requirements: Willingness, Pure Intent and Inspired Action.

Significant roadblocks exist and are so widespread amongst us that it is as if we are stuck in quicksand, with no hope of ever freeing ourselves.
Once you are able to see through this illusion, it is actually fairly achievable to heal any and all personal wounds.
Within our psyche.
We each hold common themed personal wounds.
All of us. Which creates the challenge.
The woundedness could be called normal, due to the widespread suboptimal condition of today.
I recommend an optimal question: Does the current day normal demonstrate what is optimal for a human being?
My conclusion: it does not.
Hence, our challenge.

When the healers are wounded, it is every man for himself. (Think human, not gender)
When the lawmakers are wounded, it is every man for himself.
When the security personnel (police, soldiers etc.) are wounded, it is every man for himself.
When the politicians are wounded, it is every man for himself.
When the bankers are wounded, it is every man for himself.
When the educators are wounded, it is every man for himself.
When the scientists are wounded, it is every man for himself.
When those in power are wounded, it is every man for himself.
Etcetera. I think I have made the point.
I believe this is less and less so with each passing year.
Personal empowerment is the new black in wellness.
I am very grateful for this trend that I plan to do everything within my abilities to support and animate.
My Personal Mission Statement: To Enable and Empower Optimal Human Health.
I believe we are not yet aware of what that even looks like. Yet.
Seems the first place to start is Mindset Education and Awareness.
Hence my writing activities.

These wounds run deep, often subconsciously.
So easily triggered by others.
Knee-jerk reactions, modeled through the millennia, prevent our ability to become aware that it is actually our wounds being triggered, not the other person at all.
The triggering incident is misinterpreted and the status quo lives on strongly.
A few common ones: unworthiness, guilt, regret.
Misunderstandings, each one.
Be aware, shine light on, embrace those commonly less loved parts of ourselves.
Understanding we do the best we can do in any moment.
When we know better, we do better.
Be gentle with yourself, as if you are a 5 year old child.
Most of us do have a 5 year old child alive and well within us.
Tender love and acceptance meet that child’s needs most optimally.
Food for thought.

I next consider the Creative Process.
I feel there is an optimal anatomy for creative expression.
Built on a foundation of freedom, respect for human rights, optimal health, healthy communities committed to Live and Let Live philosophy. With respect for self and others.
It is a challenge to enjoy a healthy community until its members have achieved optimal health.
We keep triggering each other decelerating this process of optimization.
I see the Creative Process as a cause and an effect of a healthy community.
Roadblocks exist. Great and small.
Copyright Laws. Only one example.

The creative process could be simplified as:
1. An imagined idea. A seed.
2. Journey to make the idea concrete within the world.
3. The completion, at some tangible level, of the creative work. This can by one person alone.
But collaboration and playing with each others creative ideas often leads to miraculous synergy.
The Open Data concept. To Copy Right.
I love covers of songs. Which leads me to,
4. Another individual coming to a completed creative work, being inspired to add another layer or take a tangent from the original work.
Cycles of #3 to #4 can repeat indefinitely.
This is how we can achieve, as a community, anything we put our heart and minds to.

Optimal flow of the collaborative, collective, creative process.

I believe some of us are aligned to coming up with new ideas.
Others are epic at upgrading the good ideas birthed by another creator.
Both of these roles are equally valuable.
Nobody owns inspiration.
Paradigm shift: value authenticity and creative expression over ownership and control of the creative process of others.
Everyone authentically creating what they are inspired to create.
When we all align to our inspired roles, I hypothesize that everything will get done and there will be plenty for everyone.
This counters our current model of operation in the money system world we currently inhabit.
It crops up in micro-forms. Pockets of communities who recognize this natural law of authenticity.
We each have specific roles best suited to us.
With no hierarchy.
We can take a more everyone takes their place on the circle approach. Non-hierarchical.
There is a little booby trap installed into many minds: Communism. The enemy of a healthy nation.
What I am talking about is not communism.
Perhaps a new term, Humanism.
Aligned to the Earth-based traditions, including the First Nations.
Somehow, traditional developed world education has taught us to abhor this lack of ranking and sorting.
We can choose to change our minds about this.
The trick is in the transition.
Many of us already have.
Those in power have not. Yet.
And may never consciously choose as they see themselves as losing so much. Power.
Yet this forceful style of power is unnatural to the optimal human being.
When each individual connects to their own personal power and optimizes themselves,
They are harmoniously self-regulating.
No need for the cumbersome, red-taped rulebooks we muck around with these days.
Simplicity will be embraced.
Sharing is natural when we are all able to have our basic needs met.
Crime? Why?
Personal coherence within an optimal human being, by design, leads to peace and harmony.
My theory.
Huge challenge to test this one out on a wide scale.
I like to dream big.
This is a dream that I cannot enact alone.
Just a creative seed.
Not mine. I just recognized it out there in the world.
Not sure who to attribute it to though.
Many examples exist already.
I am far from the first to align with this beautiful potential.
A wicked past history as to how people with this dream have been handled.
Why would it be different today?
Because it is.
It is different today. Not sure how or why, but there are enough of us to get started now.
Decisions, on a personal level need to be made.
Inspired actions. Courage. Collaboration. Creativity. Synergy.
I cannot map it out.
We will have to work on the fly.
Be flexible and adaptive to the situation as it unfolds.
Yes, our logical, linear mind does not prefer this.
But this fact cannot be sidestepped as far as I can perceive.
I am open to being shown how if another can create the seed.
Collectively, I do believe this is possible.

How can we tolerate the intolerance of the intolerant?
The million dollar question.
Requires the creative perfect storm.
Creative Collaboration. Inspired Action.
I feel this is how to achieve it.
What the achievement will look like? How will it play out?
I. Have. No. Idea. Yet…

Truth will need to be told.
Truth that is in the highest interest of all.
Awareness of how relative and dynamic truth can be.
We require the Truth to be told.
Optimal Collective Truth.
Could be a challenge. Or not.

Addendum:
I want to point out a key concept that I take from the short movie clip from Amadeus linked earlier and again here.
The villain was incredulous by how easy the creative process was for Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
He seemed to be simply scribing it out directly from his head.
Channeling is another term used out there.
No correction marks. Yet, perfection.
The villain somehow did not align to his optimal role.
Wolfgang enjoyed working with Soltieri (the self-appointed adversary in the story).
Seemed the adversary also enjoyed it.
But that tricky energy of jealousy. Not valuing his own worth, our dear villain.
(could not resist this archaic word, but it is matching to the historical setting)
Believing in a hierarchy yet epically unable to accept anything but the top position.
Harmony strikes me as impossible with this belief in place.
(Living in two point logic or duality).
There is only one position at the top, and so many aspire to have it. Feels like a setup for chaos to me.
Perhaps this conundrum could encourage people to educate themselves on the viable, non-hierarchical mindset options?
An intuitive choice to my mind.
I believe that this ease and flow in creative pursuits occurs when a human being is in their natural optimal state and engaging in their pure inspiration. Playing the role they are inspired to play. With the Live and Let Live mindset, of course. Doing no harm to others. It is a very self-directed activity.
Requires no fancy Human Resource Manual.
When you have people aligned to their optimal role, much of our current complicated systems are completely unnecessary.
Have you ever been the Employer?
Have you ever been the Employee?
A sub-optimal dance when people find themselves in roles that are not the optimal fit for them.
At worst, soul-sucking.
My work as a Family Physician, years ago, saw the pattern of sub-optimal health for so many people mis-matched to their role within Society.
Also when not in an authentic partnership – business, marriage or otherwise.
This runs pretty wide. Pretty deep.
Until we choose to change the course of how things run around here.
Food For Thought.
The old follow your heart advice.
Worth a try …

Addendum #2:
The relative truth that I so courageously write here seems a whole lot more Beautiful than the relative truth I see so many people clinging onto.
With white-fisted knuckles.
Why?
Cognitive dissonance.
It is challenging (epic understatement) to see the solution …
When you (in your current unnatural, suboptimal state) are part of the problem.
Uncomfortable? Yes.
Inconvenient? Perhaps.
Yet the solution is simple.

Ponder the wisdom of Yoda …
Then simply make a new choice.
To be willing to choose to optimize yourself.
Too simple to be true?
Not to me.
Thank goodness there is a solution!
Where there is a will, there is always a way.
Tap into your creativity and intuition.
Need a little support?
Maybe at first.
But not for long.
I guarantee it.

Beware insecurity sabotaging your optimization.
I have a playlist prescription for that!
I call it Kaptive Jypsy.
91 songs at the moment of writing.
A dynamic playlist.
Could change without notice.
(I write lightheartedly).
Some are a little naughty.
One woman’s naughty is another’s authentic.
My field-testing has found our second Chakra issues, our creative/sexual/sensuous side is a favored area of preferred focus.
A good place to start.
But you can start anywhere you feel to.
Infinite paths … to optimizing to your natural state.
As transparently as you are able.
Dynamic as you move towards your own authenticity.
Consider channeling your sexual energy into creative pursuits while you are in the optimization process.
Simply an option. You can change your mind back and forth at will.
As I have done. And documented on my Disabled Angel website page.
Where I trained myself … to be myself.

I am considering to field-test my solutions by performing infotaining events.
Multi-modality.
Stay tuned.
You likely have not seen anything like it before. My ideas delight me.
And will be fun.
Would you like to experience the container I will co-create for you to have your own experience?
With my material and modalities.
Which I would co-create with a number of optimized co-facilitators.
For me and those who align with giving it a go.
They broke the mold after making me.
True for each one of us.
Do what comes naturally.
Pun intended.
I tease you.
In my style.
Yet – ideally, with awareness.
Wounds still present?
No problem. Beware projecting on those you interact with. A big challenge.
Or not.
Life is an experiment.
Take notice.
Lots of fun … when you align with it optimally.
Are you having fun yet?
You will.
If you dare to allow it.
It takes courage.
And full authenticity.
May take a bit of time.
Be patient.
Keep your mind’s eye … on the prize!

Another tidbit:
Facilitators (could also be called healers) have a history of using themselves as the yardstick, so to speak, to assess your progress.
In aligning to your optimal, natural, authentic state: vital health with a spring in your step.
The talented facilitator will know that the only yardstick for you is within you.
You are your own prototype.
Be aware as you choose to align with appropriate facilitators.
Maintain the directorship of your own journey.

One way I conceptualize my model for optimization:
I recognize the creative genius of others.
Play with it.
Immerse myself in it.
And then mash it together in my own unique way.
In the current state of affairs …
This is how I choose to focus.
As more harmony is grounded into the world and its systems, I anticipate that I will change too.
I am not really sure how my authenticity will look then.
I have a tender heart.
Yet I feel a fierce love.
Appropriate for the present day.
But I expect the fierceness will settle appropriately … in time.
Until then, I see myself as a cross between Goofy, the Disney character, and the 2017 Wonder Woman character.
A touch of mystic, and a touch of scholar for good measure.
A professor in the Physics of Consciousness.
A product of our times.
An eclectic combination, to be sure.

Some more optimal questions for you:
What “boxes” have you committed to?
The Science box?
The Religion box?
The Healer box?
The New Age box?
The Power box?
The Force box? Manipulating others to suit your desires?
The Marriage box?
The Education box?
Think of the box as “systems of thinking”.
Patterns of thinking.
B.S. = Belief Systems.

It is time.
To think outside the box.
How might that feel?
To your heart.
And your soul.

Are you willing?
If yes, that is all that is required to make you able.
To believe.
That you.
In your authentic, natural state.
Are all that you need to be.
You are worthy.
Completely worthy.
To be yourself.
No permission required.
(While doing no harm).
And have all your needs met.
With ease and grace.
By design.
Align with your authenticity.
And you will align with all the power that you are.
Not Force.
Not dysfunctional coping habits you learned.
But in your natural, authentic power.

A Beautiful Truth.
Each one of us.

We will get there.
Simply do your part.